College

Ah, that time of the year for this grade twelve student. The time when students are worrying, and stressing, and loosing their minds because of one thing. But, that one thing isn’t all that small, is it? No.. no it’s not. It’s my life, it’s my future. I’m not sure that I am going to get accepted and that is kind of throwing me off, well.. more than kind of, I’d say a lot. I can’t not think about it.

I want to go to St. Lawrence College for their Veterinarian Technician Program. There is an HOAE test I have to write for two of the other colleges I applied to, which also kind of makes me nervous because I can’t get any results from them until I do this test. I looked through an example book for this test right? Well…. I am going to fail. Most likely. Everyone tells me how smart I am and how I shouldn’t think that way, but really? None of them really know how hard it is for me to do good at anything.

It’s day by day I hear from all of my friends and classmates about how they got accepted to this college or that college… I am sitting here like, “Oh cool! I… Well, I haven’t heard yet.” And you know that look. You know the, “I am so sorry you haven’t heard and I am so gloating right now and you are so stressed so this probably isn’t helping” look. Yeah. I get a lot of those lately.

It doesn’t change the fact that I know some one, anyone has to accept me. I mean, I can’t be that bad…. Can I? Ugh this stress is killing me. I never want to have to go to school. I had a snow day today, and it felt good to be home and now hear from anyone all day about how they got frigging accepted. That is ALL I will hear tomorrow… Ugh.

Why do I even go to school? I ask myself this question evvvvvvverrrryyy day.

Family

I have yet to talk about family here. So, my family? It’s kind of messed up.. OK, a lot messed up actually.
My Dad left us when I was in grade six. Just imagine, coming home and being in the best mood to find out your father is leaving. My sister Faith, ran to her friend Nikki’s house just down our street. It wasn’t what any of us expected except my Mom. She knew for, actually I don’t know how long she knew. But I could tell it was eating away at her, my father had taken up to sleeping on our couch. So we all knew something was wrong. Just not that.
My sister Haley and I ran to our room. We bawled our eyes out for the whole night. I didn’t get sleep for a week. I was up crying and wondering what I ever did to make this happen. But it wasn’t me, it was something else. I couldn’t fix it and neither could any one else.
So we got used to it, We were alone for a while but we got the hang of things. My Mom met a guy named Dave. They ended up having my little sister Charley together. She’s two now, and I love her to death.
See, my family isn’t perfect, heck, it never was. But I just need some one to understand what I’m going through. My life is tough, whether any one thinks so or not. It has been tough and it keeps getting tougher, but I am strong enough to know when it’s time to step in, and when it’s time to let things go.